You're a womanizer and a bitch.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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