but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
