I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The air was thick with penises
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
