Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
