yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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