But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
