i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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