I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
