The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
