I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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