hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize