why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
