Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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