Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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