Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
