I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
