I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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