Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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