first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
