Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
