..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
