he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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