don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
