I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
