Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
