Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
