oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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