1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
