I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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