Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
