I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
