mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
