Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
