so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
