Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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