please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
