Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize