Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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