oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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