I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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