If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
