she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
