No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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