At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
