I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I faked an abortion last night.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
