I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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