I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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