Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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