Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
