Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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