just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
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