My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize