I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
