The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
