I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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