Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
