I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
