Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
