I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
