3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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