I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize