As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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