Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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