I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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